Five Year Anniversary Today !!

Oct.11 2006 I searched Google on how to build a website and instantly became a part of the blogging world... of which I knew nothing. The poem I posted that day from my new job as a graphic designer.. which incidentally left me with hours of free time due to the company's pending sale to a Danish corporation... was a draft from the heart that poured out my life on the asphalt below my corporate window where my son's father had just dropped me off and squealed away burning rubber in a display of angry frustration leaving me to absorb the shame in the eyes of co-workers I had not yet even met.
The next 3 months were nothing short of a blessing from above. The work load was practically non existent and nearly all of my time at work was open for me to pursue my creative muse. The blog was exactly the freedom I needed. My home life was difficult and my partner was suffering terribly trying to sort out his life which held a lifetime of trauma neglect and abuse that had now translated into a self medicated adult being further medicated by a team of "Medical professionals" that 20 years down the road I must say didn't have a clue what they were doing... yet certainly sold a lot of pharmaceutical drugs that have turned out to be far more detrimental than anything you can get on the street. The great freedom of this online world for me was oddly enough it's anonymity. Journals having been my lifelong retreat became objects of warfare when my partner would read something in them while I was away at work... absolutely misinterpret and launch an attack.
For me the most wonderful and unexpected thing happened. I realized I had a gift for writing. Somehow the element of a supposed audience changed the dynamic of how words would flow from my subconscious onto the screen. It has also been a fantastic autobiographical tool.
The following 5 years marked a time of heavy transformation in my life. The last year and death of my brother who was the last remaining member of my childhood family aside from me. Walking away from my home with a sketchbook under my arm for good. Starting a new and unknown new life, Having my corporate job eliminated and parlaying the severance package into some of the most beautiful artwork I have done in my life, which in turn to date has won me a couple of grants and resulted in the beginning of the fine arts career I have dreamed of my entire life.
My son Myself and his father are all doing better as a result of my having had the courage to walk away risking everything... although the first couple of years you wouldn't have bet on it. And believe me... I had tried before. This time I was not turning around.
Today I am looking down the road in a couple of months at my 50th birthday. One thing that developed along with the intensity of my life experience was sort of a shedding of layers that opened me up to a psychic awareness and connection making the walls between this world and the next much thinner. I am not only hyper aware of the energy we have control over at our disposal, but I am able to utilize it more deliberately than I would have thought possible. A prayer is no longer a distant random shot in the dark for mercy... it is actually a conversation with spirit guides angels and god that I see the results of concretely. This is all very hard to explain... but it is an enlightenment in consciousness. Everything we do I believe fully is necessary as part of the development of our soul. I do not look at the adversities in my life as oh poor me look what I had to endure... but rather as experience I had the privilege of having and analyzing in order to better understand the breadth of life. At this point in my life I feel more changes on the horizon. I do not know exactly where my path is leading but I do feel that I am at the beginning of some very important work that involves inspiring and uplifting others toward achieving their highest goals as they listen and respond to the call of their heart.
Over the next year I am returning my focus back here to my anonymous blog world where I have so few readers I know of... we have never met, yet one or two have become what I would consider a friend/ally in this crazy world where we are living out our lives. The past couple of years my energy was sidetracked by the advent of Facebook... Which is fine. It is a nice polarity to my blog in that It offers more of a social connection... It is just that now I am feeling the need to write more and sort out the changing direction of the tides.